turtle

With added horn.



I can't see the eyes, but I wonder if they are blood red.

Again, I really love the movie What Dreams May Come. I could seriously watch it over and over all while sobbing from beginning to end. It's just so purrrrty.



Today I had to take my new old couple to a funeral, it was depressing. Their friend was 42 and died of colon and breast cancer (both that she'd been fighting since she was 32). The corpse was just skin and bones and she was bald due to chemo, it was quite a disturbing image I couldn't stop staring at. Knowing this person was alive three days ago, I hate to say, but since I didn't know her, I wasn't saddened but fascinated. She looked liked a wax figure. Random people would come up to me crying, and hugging me and asking how I knew her. I felt rather disconnected and somewhat tense telling them I was just someones ride, after I did so, they'd look at me nod giving me the stink eye like why did I waste a hug on this person, and walk off. So I started telling them I was there with family friends, which eased my presence a little more.

UGggggh, hated today. I'm donating my body to science, or I wouldn't mind my decaying ass to be fertilizer for a tree.

Awesome flyer I took from the gramophone bathroom friday.

cowgirl hindu goddess awesomeness

I'm starting to understand the whole point of meditation. Especially with the use of binaural beats.

My stress level is down.
I am more open to being in the present.
I am much more calm.
I have more positive awareness.


My old people have even been commenting on me more, and are sharing a certain calmness with me as well.

Also, after using ayahuasca I've had a strange spiritual transition. A connection and natural guidance, which I feel more uninhibited then before. I did see spirits/alien/reptile/goddess on my journey. I as well had a vision I seem to have misplaced in my mind. My art has seem to have found the connection it has needed for awhile.

Not a supreme example, but here are two I did while getting my oil changed.



And on another note. DMT smells like death. There is a elderly lady who I worked with on hospice. (I was there to hold her hand at night), and that night I was with her, her breath smelled like DMT. 3 hours after I went home she passed.

I find it interesting that dimethyltryptamine is found only in living things. Also only to be relesed 49 days after conception, and after death. I also think it my be released during deep dreaming at night, which may explain vivid visuals while alseep.



When I sketch I liked to allow my pen lead me, I want too say they have something to do with my dmt visions.

But then again my sketchings have always had some similar likeness too them as well...

Which all started after my trip to New Orleans where I somehow felt emotionally and spiritually connected...








Also, someone came up to me the other day and said that there are cases with heterochromia where in the womb two embryos fuse together. I have not researched this statement as true, but it would be really cosmical if I really was one, but also part of two consciences. But in all honestly, it's just a genetic mutation in my case. My dad has heterochromia, and my great great grandmother from sweeden on my mums side had heterochromia. Boo.

Herbert got me a bouquet of mushyooms for VD. Nothing says love like a gift that gives love.

look a prettty moth

Herbert needs to finish knitting his man scarf. It's looking baddass!!!! It's getting sooOoo long, and he hasn't touched it for aHwhile. :(
I want to pounce all over him when he is knitting, and I doooo. "Baaaby... stop it or I'm going to stab you with my needles..." :::pounce, pounce, pounce:::
 
moar scarf


I've been going to thrift stores collecting frames for my shitty artwork. In turn I also started collecting shitty artwork I find at thriftstores. Hopefully I will find a Pollock like that one lady did a while back and get$ $ome $$. Yeah right, I'm not that lucky. ( clickity click click! )

I found a use for all my art clippings. Check out my old and improved snazzy coffee table.




I am so fucking tired. Yesterday at work we had our big X-mas (well Hanukkah ... Jewish company) party. It wasn't a party though, it was more like six hours of training, then food and awards. I won the employee excellence award for my field, and got a spiffy check for 100 dollar$ and two extra paid holidays. It wasn't the party that made be tired though, it was this schedule...

I miss not having too work. I've been working at this 101 yr old saggy ball millionaires house, 4 days a week, who pays me 15 a hour to pretty much tuck him in after he pisses. I hate working night's. On my days off I just want toooOo sleep, and drink some fucking beer. Which.... I am doing, but instead of beer I have Mikes Hard Lemonade that my sister's didn't finish drinking while they visited. Sleeping during the day and without the heat of Herberts sweaty night bod blows hard-fucking-chunks. I am being butchered by boredom at the moment, and I wish I was in Arkansas with the homegirls. Instead I am sitting alone drinking Mike's Hard Lemonade all by my lonesome. God I need friends in St Louis.

My work gave me a beeper. Who fucking wears a beeper anymore? I don't even think doctors have too wear them anymore. I got beeped a few minutes ago. Now I get to go to another patients at 7 in the morning. Oh, so bitter tonight.

I would really love to visit a rose farm. I heard they're all over South America.

I love watching ol' episodes of rock and roll circus...

but WTF Yoko? loooooool

Don't get married... you gain weight. I've packed on some pounds since last winter. Herbert has too, but now he has a free gym membership at Gold's that his work is paying for, which is conveniently located right across from his work. It is easy being a fat ass when your husband is a bigger fat ass. He is working out everyday after work, and I've seen a difference that one week has done for him. So fuck, time too get out of my comfy jelly rolls and pull out the ol' Richard Simmons tapes... I can't have my husband looking better than me.

Off topic, Happy birthday Kurt Vonnegut... RIP
Harrison Bergeron

Herbert and I tried to get new furniture, but we only got approved for 400 dollars, so that lovely pastel yellow and green tweed living room set I wanted, not happening. Boohoobaaa, but
I found these 1960's gems on craigslist...





I'm going to meet the posters on Sunday too see if the sofa looks just as awesome as the pictures do.

In other news I am a care assistant to a bat shit crazy suicidal-ocd-hoarder nun. She took me to her friends house who is a 400lb wiccain, she was pretty badass.

I made the crazy nun some brownies the other day, the next day when I arrived at her house she was eating the pan of brownies for her breakfest. She has diabetes. When I tried to take them away, she hoovered the rest. She ate the whole pan. The whole fucking pan of brownies for breakfest.


must check out...

It's fucking awesome!

I really enjoy mushyooms, unfortunately they haven't come by to say hello in quite sometime. My first time on mushy was a rather awaking one. It cleared my mind of all the unnecessary clutter and really allowed me be one with everything organic, cosmically magical. The second time mushy stopped by to see me was exactly a year later. Unplanned and whimsical visitor it is. It brought back the joys and wonders of amazement to all of my surrounding, as well to the smallest intimate object. On mushy when I look at my flesh... I see my skin, my veins, my cells, all at working together. My body feels as if it were floating and my feet never touch the ground. I wake up after a day trip filling refreshed and rejuvenated, as if I cleared my soul of all impurities.

I did acid not to long ago was disappointed by the fact of it being entirely synthetic to me. I could not communicate with nature, and it was as if my soul was nothing but static. Amazing visuals but no connections, no body high. Only a sleepy third eye. Everything I ate for the next two days had a copper taste. I was also unable to sleep but 2 hours each night the whole week after, my brain constantly ticking.

Now, don't get me wrong, I enjoyed parts of the acid trip. I had great company, but I am sticking with organic for now on.

My friend stephanie is now hosting brown bag parties aka dildo parties... In NWA Arkansas if interested here is her site... http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=405131343

( PiktUrez! )

Ok so here is the dream I had last night, I think it has something to do with just being at the rainbow last month...

I am in the woods with my husband and we are hiking, we get lost. After what seemed like forever... we stumble amongst this rustic tree community and they take us in feed us, and we decide to stay for a while and live with them. We learn how to build, make/play instruments, grow fruits and vegies, then decide we were not going to go back our civilization.

Then during an afternoon walking around the village with my husband I start floating in the air. I can't go back down, and I would of kept going up and up to the sky, but my husband caught my foot and and told me he wouldn't let go. So all the village comes up to me, but they are not shocked or scared, but try to give me remedies like teas,mushrooms, and drum circles. My foot slipped from my husband and I started floating up again, but I caught a branch until a village person throws me a rope and I tie it around my ankle. So then they take me to a field and I tell them I must go, and that the must heavens need me, and my husband lets go... so I start floating up and up and then I have no idea what happens because... no joke my cat jumps from the window in my room onto my stomach and I wake up.

and then I was pissed, because I didn't get to finish the dream. I tried to finish it by going back to sleep, but I failed in that attempt and started dreaming that I was in my living room drinking a can of Fresca... and I got thirsty and woke up.

Hitch hiking is very cosmic. You run into some very interesting enlightening characters. Herbert and I did it. We hitched hiked, from Wyoming to Missouri. We had a ride home, but their car pretty much blew up, and being the broke hobos we are, decided to hit the open rode with our thumbs out.



( yellowstoned )